The bad part of addiction is that is never ends well. Because at a certain point whatever made you good... stops being good... and starts to hurt you.
Yet they say that to get rid of the bad habit you must reach the limit. But how do you know when you've touched it?
The key to surviving a surgical internship is denial. We deny that we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed. And most importantly, we deny that we're in denial. We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth right in front of our faces.
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I can't think of a single reason why I should be a surgeon, but I can think of a thousand reasons why I should quit. They make it hard on purpose... there are lives in our hands. There comes a moment when it's more than just a game, and you either take that step forward or turn around and walk away. I could quit but here's the thing, I love the playing field.
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Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.
At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about. Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say, they're what you do. Some things you say cause there's no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves.
Sometimes the future changes quickly and completely, and we're left with only the choice of what to do next. We can choose to be afraid of it, to stand there trembling not moving, assuming the worst that can happen or we step forward into the unknown and assume it will be brilliant.
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- Dr. Meredith Grey: What was I to you? The girl you screwed to get over being screwed?
- Dr. Derek Shepherd: You were like coming up for fresh air. It's like I was drowning and you saved me. It's all I know.
- Dr. Meredith Grey: It's not good enough.
It doesn't matter what projects you have. It doesn't matter how you imagine it. Without knowing it, sometimes life has a way of giving you exactly what you need. Or exactly who you need.
-Meredith: You said that Derek and I woudn't have made it...
-Cristina: And I've been carnically impaled for having said it.
-Meredith: But you're right, peole don't live happy ever after, they can hardly live... so why should it be diferent for Derek and me?
-Christina: Meredith, why do you care what I think?
-Meredith: Because you're my person! And if I do this with him, and I become a healthy girl, sweet and cute that cohabits... I need you. I must know you're there, I need you to give me courage, because you're the only person who knows me really. Who knows everything about me. I need you to prentend it'll be ok even if you don't think so. Because if you leave me now, seriously I won't make it. And if I don't have a happ ending this'll only be...
-Cristina: Life.
-Meredith: I'm begging you.
-Cristina: I think that you and Derek'll make it, you'll make it work...
-Meredith: Are you saying it to make me happy?
-Cristina: I'm your person, I'm on your side.
Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.
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There are moments of our life in which loves defets all: exaust, insomnia... all. And there are those moments in which it seems that love doesn't bring you anything... but pain.