Mitt Romney looks like a guy modeling briefs on a package of underwear. He looks like a guy who goes to the restroom when the check comes. He looks like a guy who would run a seminar on condo flipping. He looks like he is the closer at a Cadillac dealership. He looks like that guy on the golf course in the Levitra commercial.
Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.
I was talking to a friend about Santorum. He said, "For all my years in the State Department, I know one thing. Terrorists, what they fear most is a guy in a sweater vest."
The White House has announced that they no longer recognize Fox as a news organization, which puts them about eight years behind the rest of us.
I worry about Rick Perry. One, he's too conservative, Two, his debating skills. And three... Oh crap, what was three?
How about that Rick Santorum? He came in second because he is the anti-Romney. Wait a minute. I thought Mitt Romney was the anti-Romney.
You all know Newt Gingrich. Newt is short for Newton. People say if that's the case, what is Mitt short for? It's short for 'Mittens. '
Have you seen these Republican presidential candidates? I bet Obama is sorry now that he spent all that money on the new birth certificate.
Doctors say Dick Cheney need a heart transplant, but Cheney isn't worried. He's already picked out a hunting buddy.
I mean you think about the guy, the Nigerian guy, who was going to blow up the plane. He was wearing a pair of Fruit of the Lunatic. Guy was not too bright. He said that the reason he became a suicide bomber was to work his way up in the al Qaeda organization.