How hard good women are! How weak bad men are!
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Puns and jokes
It takes a thoroughly good woman to do a thoroughly stupid thing.
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Your mother is a thoroughly good woman. But
good women have such limited views of life, their horizon is so
small, their interests are so petty...
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The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her, if she is pretty, and to someone else, if she is plain.
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No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating.
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Mothers, of course, are all right. They pay a chaps bills and don't bother him. But fathers bother a chap and never pay his bills.
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Formerly we used to canonize our heroes. The modern method is to vulgarize them. Cheap editions of great books may be delightful, but cheap editions of great men are absolutely detestable.
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One must have some occupation nowadays. If I hadn't my debts I shouldn't have anything to think about.
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What is the difference between scandal and gossip? Oh! Gossip is charming! History is merely gossip. But scandal is gossip made tedious by morality. A man who moralizes is a hypocrite, and a woman who does so is invariably plain.
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A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want?
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