You'll find the quotes by Woody Allen in Quotes & Aphorisms and in Humor.
In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party...
I was at home, in front of the TV, the phone rings and the voice on the other end says, 'How would you like to be this year's vodka man?' And I said 'No, I'm an artist. I do not do commercials. I don't pander. I don't drink vodka. If I did I wouldn't drink your vodka.' He said, 'Too bad. It pays fifty thousand dollars.' I said, 'Hold on, I'll put Mr. Allen on the phone.
I went to a summer camp for children of all religions, so I was beaten by children of all religions.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.
That dancer had a tights so tightened that you couln't descern only the sex, but also the religion.
Read other quotes by Woody Allen »