I like that Sarah Palin. She looks like the flight attendant who won't give you a second can of Pepsi. She looks like the nurse who weighs you and then makes you sit alone in your underwear for 20 minutes. She looks like a real estate agent whose picture you see on the bus stop bench. She looks like the hygienist who makes you feel guilty about not flossing. She looks like the relieved mom in a Tide commercial.
Mitt Romney was a guest on 'The Tonight Show' on NBC. It's interesting, you have an empty suit trying to please everyone, and then Romney comes out.
Sarah Palin had a big op-ed piece in the Wall Street Journal, and she said she's against death panels. And I thought, 'Really? She's the one who pulled the plug on the McCain campaign.'
They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.
Newt Gingrich has criticized "New York elites" who ride the subway. One of those subway elites threw up on my pants this morning.
You folks been following the big British Petroleum oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? I'm telling you, British Petroleum has put more birds in oil than Colonel Sanders.
Good things happen to those who hustle.
Since 1980, there have been 91 breaches of security at the White House. Well, 92 if you count George Bush.
Fat people have a metabolic disorder. Ferrara is not fat because he eats... He just eat twice!
Berlusconi is a creative. The penal code is a catalogue of options for him.